I really would have liked to go to the Coachella music festival down in Indio last weekend, but it was going to be like forty million degrees in the shade and I just can't do that; we have thin blood up here in Northern California. So because I simply don't spend enough time on the computer already, they put the freaking thing online for me to watch. I wasn't sure whether to thank them or curse them.

I picked up the stream with Depeche Mode doing "Enjoy the Silence." I love Depeche Mode, I love that song. But I could so have lived without the sight of David Gahan's pasty body. I understand it's hot there and he had to take off his shirt but this wasn't right.

Fortunately, he left the stage after that, presumably to drink the blood of a virgin so as to have the strength to go on with the set. A fully-clothed Martin Gore sang "Shake the Disease" - a less prettied-up version than the album cut. A song called "Shake the Disease" should never be prettied up. As a closer, a semi-clad Gahan did "Never Let Me Down Again," which is such a drug song, isn't it? It sounded desperate. I'm not saying that in a bad way. But I do think Gahan needs to stop doing drugs and get a tan.

She Wants Revenge came on next, all wearing not just shirts but jackets, so I'm now thinking Gahan was just being an exhibitionist and not suffering from the heat. (Or was he showing off his tattoos? I wish I could get the image out of my head.) Everything they sang was extremely depressing, very very very dark and delivered in a despairing monotone. I seriously think this guy should have been prevented from listening to Joy Division during his formative years. I couldn't stick with it. I like dance music that makes me happy.

Sunday was Madonna and her amazing muscled arms, the perfect antidote to David Gahan. And something like forty million other bands. (Forty million is my number of the day.) Tool were said to have brought the house, er, tent, down, and Sigur Ros, the world's most famous Icelandic band (they sing in a made up language, because they decided Icelandic was insufficiently obscure) got rave reviews too from a friend who was there.

Although the weather stopped me, many braver souls than I did make the journey and they want to tell you all about it and even show you videos. And AT&T keeps promising to make the live stream available on its Blue Room site, I'll update when I get news.