Out on tour with Madness this Christmas is Jerry Dammers, founder and keyboard player of the ska band the Specials, now a regular DJ in and around London clubs. He’s our host and DJ for the night and he’s spinning some classic reggae/ska tunes on the decks. The venue is bopping and singing. It’ll be the same, but with more mental enthusiasm when Madness come on stage. It seems the punters are saving their energy, getting all sweaty too early just wouldn’t do.

The stage darkens, and there’s raucous cheers and football chants. It’s known that Madness are Chelsea boys (footie I’m talking about), much to my distaste, and so are many of the skin’eads here today. It makes me giggle all the same. The atmosphere is terrific. Everyone is so happy. This is the thing I love the most about this band. The smiles they bring to people's faces. There’s nothing quite like it. My face could split in half if it were possible.

The back-drop is projected on with films of different members of the band dancing, there’s no end to the hilarity, they really are the original nutty boys, they just don’t change. I commend the LD on this gig, the lights were just beautiful and effective. One by one they make their way to the stage, the back-drop is illuminated with glittering letters spelling out MADNESS, silhouetting the band on stage. It’s so exciting. The lights are back on and they dive into "One Step Beyond."

I’m in the photo pit, I quickly glance round at the audience, bloody hell! If the floor doesn’t fall through I’ll be surprised, this is the biggest dance-off ever. Back to the stage, I’m loving taking photos of this lot, but all I can think of is joining my sister and DANCING. The band are dressed in the "right proper gear," "pucker don’t ya know," "all London like." Overcoats, suits, hats and sunglasses. Oh yeah this is the real thang! And look at those two-tone shoes, smashing! These boys don’t mess around.

By the third song, "My Girl," everyone and I mean everyone is singing. I leave the photo pit and push my way into the crowd, only to find my sister surrounded by some "good old boys," getting a bit clever, showing off their ska moves, getting her to join in with them. Sod it! I’ll join in, too. They’re playing one of my all time favourites, "Embarrassment." And then I start going nuts. Suggs and Chas are bobbing up and down big style, look ‘em go!

My throat is already sore and I’m boiling bloody hot. If the band can dance all the way through their set, suited and booted, then so can we. Side of stage, but actually on the stage, is a coat stand sporting an umbrella, how very sophisticated and oh so British. The overcoats and hats are off and on the stand. "Sun & the Rain," what a great version, and Suggs opens the brolli (umbrella). There’s a skuffle in the front row. Someone has brought a brolli and has opened it. The security have made a dive for them and confiscated it immediately. However, looking back through the crowd, there are other umbrellas opening. Is it raining in here?

First few beats of "The Prince," and that’s it! All hell’s broken loose. If only this gig could last for days. The band look great on stage, they belong there and with us. They just give that impression that nothing else could possibly matter. Partying is the only way to go. Go on boys, give it some welly! (ridiculous English saying).

"Shut Up," "I tell you I didn’t do coz I wasn’t there, now don’t blame me, it just isn’t fair, you listened to their side now listen to mine," etc. What a way to start a song. I love these lyrics. "House of Fun," well even the kids know this one. "Grey Day," oooh this gives me the shivers. There’s something really errie about this little number. Trust me on this one. A masterpiece!

A new song! "NW5," for those of you who don’t know, it’s a North West London postcode. Probably one of theirs. I’m impressed and I hear there's a new album on its way. "Bed & Breakfast Man" and then the infamous "Baggy Trousers." Is it my imagination or is the balcony positively moving? Them crazies upstairs, starting a dance riot or wot?

The old boys with us are egging us on, come on girls! My slip-on shoes keep falling off. The girl with the rucksack in front of me is looking for trouble. She knocks me one more time and …… she turns and smiles all apologetic, she’s forgiven. And the dancing continues. "Wings of A Dove," a great rendition of "Our House," footie chants, and yells for requests. Idle banter from the band and the punters. I love the way Suggs chats to folk whilst on stage, pure sarcasm dripping off him in that "ever so London way innit." He hands someone a kiwi fruit. Why? I’ve no bloody idea why, but all the same he asks for it back later. He’s hilarious, no wonder he’s on the telly! Great charisma, that’s for sure. Moving swiftly on… "It must be love," I swoon at my sister and put my hand on my heart, she nods back agreeing.

Sadly they’re off stage. I can’t believe how the time has flown. Encore already! There’s an appreciative roar, shouting and clapping for more. They offer us another new tune called "Sorry," due for release this month. And then straight into "Madness." There’s hardly any point in Suggsie singing, we’re doing a fine job! Mmm, I’m guessing it's "Nightboat to Cairo" next, mark my words, I’m telling Naz. And of course it is. They finish with "Swan Lake" and "Pigbag."

The in-house lights are on, and the punters all left stranded and bewildered. Blindly staring at the stage in the bright white lights, till they’re sure the band aren’t returning. Then dismissively making they’re way towards the exits. Happy yet exhausted, another fantastic Madness gig. They’ve hit perfection yet again. Wish you could have made it.

Next time ay!

Set List

One Step Beyond
Girl I Want to Know
My Girl
Embarrassment
Lovestruck
Hanging On
Sun & The Rain
Pm the Beat Pete
The Prince
Los Palmas 7
Shut Up
Iron Shirt
House of Fun
Rise & Fall
Grey Day
NW5
Bed & Breakfast Man
Baggy Trousers
Wings of a Dove
Our House
It Must be Love

Encore

Sorry
Madness
Nightboat to Cairo
Swan Lake
Pigbag