This week I have been mostly ... driving into lamp-posts.

Having just got my decrepit old 1971 MG Midget back on the road, I thought now would be the time. The car is a bit like my girlfriend - unreliable, expensive to maintain, makes too much noise, and smells really weird, but beautiful, and I love being inside it.

Anyway.

Now that I’m back on the road, I thought I needed some tunes. Shit! After an hour of shuffling and burning I only came up with my ultimate road rage album. If I’m dead soon you’ll know why. Strap yourself in; this is gonna be one hell of a ride.

1. Offspring – Bad Habit
Well, what else was this compilation gonna start with, you stupid, dumshit goddamned mother fucker? Even the intro gets adrenalin my pumping. Possibly the archetypal road rage track.

Drop a gear when you hear – “When I go driving I stay in my lane!�

2. Rage Against the Machine – Killing in the Name

The soundtrack to many a dance-floor punch up. Starts slow but makes your foot twitch as you feel it build up.

Drop a gear when you hear – “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!�

3. New Model Army – 125mph

Heavy and hard Heaton drumming at its best. When the boys played it live, you saw the pit swell, eyes grow wild and wide, and fists clench. Poor bastards didn’t now what hit 'em.

Drop a gear when you hear – “I’m heading North, I’m heading home. Doing 125!�

4. Prodigy – No Good

Oh god! This track just makes my eyes bleed! Each time the beat kicks in, I’m stamping on the pedal so hard I think it’s going through the floor pan! It should be against the law to play The Prodigy in your car. I’d drive better if I was drunk. Oh shit……..it’s building again!

Drop a gear when you hear – anything you like. It drops in so often.

5. Aphrodite – Heat Haze

An instrumental that takes you on a journey, whether you like it or not. A phat bass and frantic drum machine make you want to corner sideways. Try not to punch the windscreen with your face.

Drop a gear when you hear – “Yeah….yeah…..yeah….yeah…..YEAH!!!!!!!!!!�

6. Limp Bizkit – Take a Look Around

The theme to Mission Impossible II. I used a remixed version of this as my walkon music when I was boxing. The drum beats drop in like a heavyweight journeyman. Killer!

Drop a gear when you hear “Now I know why you wanna hate me. Cos hate is all the world has even seen lately.�

7. Pop Will Eat Itself- Not Now James, We’re Busy

UK’s Stourbrige grebo rockers. I used to roadie for these fellas, and they were pretty big on the UK indie/punk. If you missed out, you missed out. This one’s a spoof account of the godfather of soul’s famous police chase. At least you’ll be smiling on the stretcher.

Drop a gear when you hear “Mrs, Brown you got a lovely son, but he’s on the run on a shotgun mission!�

8. Motorhead - Ace of Spades

Where would we be without a bit of Lemmy? If I have to tell you why this is on here, you shouldn’t be here.

Drop a gear when you hear – the guitar kick in.

9. Dust Junkies – Nothing Personal

Gritty UK rock/rap, but they’d rob Linkin’ Park and then set fire to them. The lead singer looks like he wants to cut you. Think Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Think Lenny MeClean. Think about walking in the opposite direction if you ever meet these guys.

“Drop a gear when you hear – “l’ll cut you straight up and down if you think you’re hard enough!�

10. Soundgarden – Jesus Christ Pose

A religious theme seems to be developing. (See below.) No wonder I feel angry as hell when this tune kicks in. Chris must have been having a really bad day. So will anyone who cuts me up while this is banging out. I have a complete disregard for my personal safety when this tune kicks in.

Drop a gear when you hear – “But you're staring at me like I need to be…… saved�

11. Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod

Soon I discovered this rock thing was true. Jerry Lee Lewis was the Devil. Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet. All of a sudden I found myself in love with the world, so there was only one thing I could do, ding a ding dang my dangalong ling long.

Drop a gear when you hear…… too late!

So, what are you guys trashing cars to? I’m expecting a lot of thrash and the like but I wonder if there’s anything a bit less obvious that I have missed?

Let me know so I can add it on and take it for a test drive.