The Cramps
Astoria, Charing Cross, London
15 August 2006
The start: 1976
The Sound: Surf/Psychedelia/Garage/60s punk/rockabilly/psychobilly
“Where’s the merch?� Niki looks at me puzzled.
“Good point.� I reply. We’re upstairs at the bar, looking at the merch stall, there’s only The Priscillas shirts on sale here.
“And who are they?� Niki, sounding worried.
“Follow me mate.� I rush downstairs and head towards the other merch stall. It’s closed.
Sheer panic on Niki’s face, “Wot’s this, no bloody Cramps t-shirts? But I want one!� Mmm, not a good start I silently think to myself. I’m already depressed because I haven’t a photo pass for this gig. No photos? No good. I’m wondering if there are any other photographers here that I might recognise. None so far. We make our way back up the balcony. At least from here we’ll have a good view, this is age talking. No wish to be pushed and shoved about.
The support band is on and not off quick enough for my liking. Nothing at all original here, but talentless drivel. We’re anxious to get The Cramps on stage, after all it was nearly three years ago we saw them in this venue, two nights on the trot and what a couple of great gigs. Ones not to be forgotten. I catch sight of an old mate, Vince Ray. I summon him and his girlfriend Katey over. He’s peeved, “We’ve paid nearly £75 for two tickets.� They were promised guest list places and at the last minute were let down. He continues to say that the Cramps had 200 guests on this list, nearly all had been asked to find another way in.
Poison Ivy trips onto the stage, closely followed by Lux Interior. She’s in a sparkly platinum 1960s style dress and matching tights with all that red hair. Poison Ivy and her guitar are as sexy as each other. How does she keep that figure of hers? And more importantly, why can’t I do the same thing? Surprise surprise, has Lux gone peroxide blonde? Is he fully dressed? Seems some things have changed. Behind Lux is Chopper Franklin, bass guitarist. He’s in red pvc! Dear God, he’ll be sweating like Gary Glitter at a Kindergartens. Bill Bateman slips behind the drum kit! They begin with “Mad Daddy.� It’s looking very tame, but I’m guessing it’s early yet. They’ll break into an energetic sweat soon enough. Fingers and toes crossed.
Suddenly I wake, had I slipped into a coma? Surely we’re now half way through the set. I’ve not heard any of my favourites or any of their classics that made them who they are today. Is this a bad dream, are The Cramps letting us all down? I refuse to believe it and force myself to concentrate on the gig. They’re working their way through the set-list like robots on auto-pilot.
Poison and Chopper seem to be standing on the spots marked “X.� When did Poison Ivy become so wooden? Are my eyes deceiving me? Even Lux isn’t prepared to attempt his usual amateur dramatics on stage. When did they become complacent? Had they finally run out of steam? Only one good thing has come out to this, Lux hasn’t indecently exposed himself, his poor microphone hasn’t suffered the usual torture it would normally have to endure.
I lean as far over the balcony as I can, Niki’s at the end of my row of friends and I want to see her reaction. I was afraid to say out loud that I might even be BORED. Me! At a Cramps gig, BORED! She’s oblivious to me and the gig. I watch her chew aggressively at a false nail in the blue lights, as if her life depended on it. Oh God, I back up quickly, so as not to put her off her life mission. Niki, the biggest Cramps fan I know is eating a fingernail. For Christ’s sake.
Lux is waffling, he’s thanking us for being evil sadistic motherfuckers, I think, how very kind of him. He’s breaking into “Primitive� and then straight into “Lonesome Town.� Phew, he’s still decently dressed, I don’t have to stare at the shrivelled old sausage again this year. “Caveman� sung almost entirely with the mic in his mouth, spraying spittle everywhere. It’s caught my attention for a few moments.
Worriedly I scan around for Julie and Jim, where the hell are they? Julie would surely never walk out of a Cramps gig, would she? It’s Jim’s birthday, this meant a lot to him. I shout over the guitars to Vince and Owain. “Guys, listen, I’m a bit fed up, tell me what you’re thinking�. They both tense up a little.
Finally Vince admits that he wasn’t impressed. “I popped to the loo, and when I got back nothing had changed, it still crap�.
Owain just stares at me for a few moments and then back at the stage. “OK,� he offers, “It’s not great is it. I was expecting more I suppose, it doesn’t help that the sound is appalling, but it is the Astoria after all.� He badly wants to defend them, but I know he’s not really into it.
Lux is guzzling bottled red wine, the rest he’s spilling all over his clothes and the floor. Bloody good job he’s wearing wipe clean pvc black trousers. (I’m not sure where he’s going with that diamante belt, its not really his best look). Even he’s looking bored. Poison Ivy has that far away look in her eyes. She glances at Lux fleetingly as he throws himself to the floor and grabs one of her legs. She rolls her eyes in a motherly way. Pretends to be completely uninterested. They end the set with “Psychotic Reaction,� now I do love this song, but with the terrible “front of house� sound, it took me some time to recognise it. They drag it out unnecessarily and leave the stage.
My mind wonders, I’m thinking about Joey Ramone. No more Ramones and with half the original members dead, there’s no coming back now. I’m sad. But I snap out of it quickly.
They drag themselves back onto the stage for the encore. Lux makes an appropriate announcement “You know� mumble mumble, “we probably won’t be here next year! This year is our thirtieth year!� Then it hits me suddenly, this could be the last ever time we see The Cramps. Sheer panic, our last ever Cramps gig in the UK and I’m sitting here slagging it off. I should be damn well grateful to be here. I’m not, I’m still highly pissed off. They’re playing “One Way Ticket� and I go to grab Martyn, to make this very statement to him and he’s nowhere to be seen. Another person gone AWOL.
I’m getting a migraine, I notice Owain is squinting. Lux is sitting on an amp next to the drummer and is dropping his mic onto the symbol, over and over and over again. He then proceeds to break the top off his bottle of wine, keeps the broken glass in his mouth and annoyingly yells muffled noises through it. Make him stop NOW! Poison Ivy doesn’t look amused either, the amp is behind her, so it can’t be doing her already fucked hearing any good. Through all this chaos they slip into an excruciating long version of “Tear it Up,� Lux continuously banging his mic stand on the wood floor. The song is finally over, they leave the stage. The house lights are on, and folk are booing. Not for the same reason I’m booing. I feel a little like I’d been dragged through a bush backwards.
The gang head quietly towards the exit, only to find Julie and Jim sitting in a dark corner of the upstairs bar. Julie appears out of the black and grabs me. I jump. “Where ya disappear to girlfriend?�
She’s looking cross. “Bloody awful gig mate, had to leave sharpish, couldn’t take the noise, and WHAT was with that shite set list and the shitty sound?� I sigh, I knew this was going to be her reaction. Jim sat silently. He obviously had no words to describe this mess of a gig. I was actually glad I wasn’t interviewing them, I might find myself getting out of hand. I wouldn’t want to insult them after all, they are still one of my childhood bands that I will always adore. But can I wipe tonight’s gig from my memory? Not bloody likely.
Behemoth, a crowd fav and a recent find of mine (thank gawd for Hard Attack). For some reason I can't read a darned thing I wrote on these guys (maybe it's because I have been waiting to board a plane for over an hour) but I must say I really love this band. I mean you may have fear when you hear the words Polish and black metal in same sentence, however, this trio has the look, the attitude, and the sound. And really, the Europeans do wonders with the black metal genre. (And I have a weakness for a European man in makeup.) They were definitely a crowd fav and show signs of being major up and comers. 
The Black Dahlia Murder seems almost more death lite or thrash. High screaming vocals that make the hackles rise, while deep growls add a balance. I say they are more thrash or speed than death because they seemed to lack the darkness needed with death. That isn’t a bad thing, because variety at these shows is the true beauty. Once again this was one of the bands that seemed to get lost. The vocals and drums really seemed to overpower the guitars, which is what impressed me most with the songs I had heard so far. One thing I do have to say, seriously, is the Rave can kill some bands. This would be one of the bands it did that to. That's what CDs are for. I would really like to see them at a different venue. I know their quality was affected by the Rave.
Terror is what a hardcore band is supposed to be: angry, strong and, well, hard. This is music that reminds me so very much of old skool skater thrash it just put a smile on my face. It was also the first time of the day that I wanted nothing more than to run into the pit and throw some fists. Part of the Trustkill stable, these guys are a band I intend on spending a bit more time getting to know. We cut our time with them short to get the rubber on the camera, and that was disappointing. 
The reason for the rubber of course was GWAR! Its been many years since I last saw GWAR, and I think time has slowed them a bit. Their work at world domination is taking on a slower, almost cleaner pace, however as you can see it still involves plenty of gore. Perhaps the best set up idea this location afforded was to end the Rave shows with Gwar and start the ballroom nice and clean. However the smaller stage seemed to detract from the usual insanity of the band and made seeing them a tad harder. The Nazi Pope was great fun and I think Brian got his best photo of that. The Giant Worm will be further fueled August 29 with the new album 
On to the upstairs for the headlining bands of the evening. While I know many people were happy to see Cannibal early on, it was hard for me. Thinking about death, disembowelment and decapitation with the sun still shining takes a little bit of the fun out of it. This was my first show since Chris Barnes left the band, and if you have read my posts, you know he is one of my favorite death metal vocalists. It also is never a good thing, then again it could be, when the stretcher comes out BEFORE the band even starts. The natives were getting restless. They sounded phenomenal live. Even the shitty acoustics in the ball room could not ruin them. In fact out of the nine or so times I have seen them, this was probably the tightest sounding they've been. “Make Them Suffer� and wonderfully my fav “Hammer Smashed Face� were among the songs played. And as much as I hate to admit it, the new Cannibal is the best incarnation yet. Cannibal will always be the greatest death gore metal band ever. 
Evergreen Terrace was up next. Young, bouncy and energetic, these guys were definitely fun to watch. In the beginning I would have described them as death metal lite. Their heavier stuff was kinda lost in the Rave, but some of their songs were music to commit mass murder by. Jason Voorhees would have done wonders with these songs.
The Chariot was a mess in a good way. I am definitely going to be checking these boys out soon. They started with total chaos, transitioning into a very slow grind core sound. I really kept waiting for and craving the speed. When they started to hit some speed, there was almost an industrial feel to it (but with a banjo) that really made them stand out in my mind. I really like the cacophony of sounds and styles these guys had to offer. The singer, Josh Scogin, definitely fares better here than with previous band Norma Jean, one of the just OK bands from Ozz Fest.
Ok heres the short of it. 
