club.kingsnake.com ::
Biography v. 1:
Life in the fast lane is too slow for me. I’m here to have fun and that’s what I do. Hop on for the ride or get out of my god damn way. I know what I want and I go get it. If that makes me sound like a bad guy then you just don’t know me. I work hard at being happy, and making other people happy is something I love to do.
I like to be a little unconventional, because convention generally sucks. If everyone else is doing it, if everyone likes it, if it’s popular or if everyone wants one, then it probably ain’t for me. Beware the emperor’s new clothes.
I live on a boat which is as chilled and relaxing as you would expect it to be. I’m not a consumer. I don’t need a big car to prove I’m a man. I get tattooed regularly because I like the way it looks on my body. I don’t have any piercings because I’m scared it will hurt.
I keep fit because I wanna live long. I box a little and love punching above my weight. I run regularly but haven’t done a marathon since I smashed up my motorbike. They said I wouldn’t walk again. They were wrong. I like to achieve the impossible.
I like girls who can tell me to shut the hell up when I deserve it. Silly Frilly girls bore me. Don’t be a passenger in my lifestyle, come along for the ride but bring your own beers to the party too.
I’ve only ever done jobs I have loved. I was a roadie, a DJ, a bouncer, reptile breeder, zoo keeper, window dresser, writer, fitness professional and a flower delivery guy. If it sucks or stresses me out then I don’t have time for it.
I get angry when people are rude or disrespectful. It’s nice to be nice and some people should try harder. I hate bullies and people who throw their weight around. It makes me throw my weight around, and you don’t want that.
I don’t have a TV because I don’t have time for that bullshit. Music plays here all the time. My first gig was New Model Army in 1987. If the music can move me then I like it. Music should be able to change how you feel, make you take notice and bring something to your life. It can smooth you out or rev you up. It can be raw to the bone or cleverly sophisticated. There’s no science to it, you just know when it’s worthy
Hope you enjoy my writing, if not, oh well. Horses for courses and all that.
Biography v. 2
You know when you wake up in a strange house and it takes a second or two to recall where you are? This morning I had that feeling twice over. Firstly, this wasn’t my bedroom. It took a second to realize it was my galley. Secondly, living on a boat means you also have to recall where you moored last night. Camden……yes it was Camden. The night after a party and everyone somehow ended up aboard throwing back shots of JD. My head pounded as I got to my feet and started making coffee. I was gonna need it.
Fifteen minutes later I feel a little more human and sat on deck with my laptop. Just then Dawn’s head appears through the hatch. She looks gorgeous as ever. (How come I look like a crack addict in the morning and she looks like she’s just stepped out of a salon?)
“Hey. What you doin'?� she asks, taking a gulp from my coffee cup.
“I’m writing a biography for a musical review website.� I replied.
“Oh yeah? What have you put?� she asked, craning her neck to see the screen.
She started to read aloud.
“Born in the musical utopia that was Birmingham in the 70s, Tony left home as a naïve and eager 15 year old. Somehow managing to avoid prison and the mortuary slab he has led a colourful and fast paced life, making the most of his charm and good looks!�
She steals a glance at me and raises her eyebrows.
“Is that all you’ve done?�
“Yes.� I reply a little sheepishly.
“What else are you gonna put?�
“Dunno, I was just thinking about it when you broke my flow.� I said, trying to get my laptop back from her.
“How about the fact that you’ve never had a proper job?� said Dawn
Good idea, I thought. I do have quite a chequered career history having done everything from DJ to reptile breeder, fitness professional to flower delivery guy. I could put that in, I suppose.
“Then there’s your highly unconventional lifestyle.�
“What do you mean?� I said indignantly! “You make me sound like a freak!�
“Well, I think that living on a boat, driving a Smart Car and an old MG Midget, being covered in tattoos and keeping snakes as pets qualifies you as at least a minor weirdo,� she retorts.
It’s a fair cop, I thought. I just don’t like convention much, as convention generally sucks! If everyone likes it, then it probably ain’t my thing.
“I suppose I should put something about my musical credentials?� I offer.
“Nah, I’d leave that out if I were you!� said Dawn, fingering the Dr Hook CD next to my seat.
I’ll get my coat.
Life in the fast lane is too slow for me. I’m here to have fun and that’s what I do. Hop on for the ride or get out of my god damn way. I know what I want and I go get it. If that makes me sound like a bad guy then you just don’t know me. I work hard at being happy, and making other people happy is something I love to do. I like to be a little unconventional, because convention generally sucks. If everyone else is doing it, if everyone likes it, if it’s popular or if everyone wants one, then it probably ain’t for me. Beware the emperor’s new clothes.
I live on a boat which is as chilled and relaxing as you would expect it to be. I’m not a consumer. I don’t need a big car to prove I’m a man. I get tattooed regularly because I like the way it looks on my body. I don’t have any piercings because I’m scared it will hurt.
I keep fit because I wanna live long. I box a little and love punching above my weight. I run regularly but haven’t done a marathon since I smashed up my motorbike. They said I wouldn’t walk again. They were wrong. I like to achieve the impossible.
I like girls who can tell me to shut the hell up when I deserve it. Silly Frilly girls bore me. Don’t be a passenger in my lifestyle, come along for the ride but bring your own beers to the party too.
I’ve only ever done jobs I have loved. I was a roadie, a DJ, a bouncer, reptile breeder, zoo keeper, window dresser, writer, fitness professional and a flower delivery guy. If it sucks or stresses me out then I don’t have time for it.
I get angry when people are rude or disrespectful. It’s nice to be nice and some people should try harder. I hate bullies and people who throw their weight around. It makes me throw my weight around, and you don’t want that.
I don’t have a TV because I don’t have time for that bullshit. Music plays here all the time. My first gig was New Model Army in 1987. If the music can move me then I like it. Music should be able to change how you feel, make you take notice and bring something to your life. It can smooth you out or rev you up. It can be raw to the bone or cleverly sophisticated. There’s no science to it, you just know when it’s worthy
Hope you enjoy my writing, if not, oh well. Horses for courses and all that.
Biography v. 2
You know when you wake up in a strange house and it takes a second or two to recall where you are? This morning I had that feeling twice over. Firstly, this wasn’t my bedroom. It took a second to realize it was my galley. Secondly, living on a boat means you also have to recall where you moored last night. Camden……yes it was Camden. The night after a party and everyone somehow ended up aboard throwing back shots of JD. My head pounded as I got to my feet and started making coffee. I was gonna need it.
Fifteen minutes later I feel a little more human and sat on deck with my laptop. Just then Dawn’s head appears through the hatch. She looks gorgeous as ever. (How come I look like a crack addict in the morning and she looks like she’s just stepped out of a salon?)
“Hey. What you doin'?� she asks, taking a gulp from my coffee cup.
“I’m writing a biography for a musical review website.� I replied.
“Oh yeah? What have you put?� she asked, craning her neck to see the screen.
She started to read aloud.
“Born in the musical utopia that was Birmingham in the 70s, Tony left home as a naïve and eager 15 year old. Somehow managing to avoid prison and the mortuary slab he has led a colourful and fast paced life, making the most of his charm and good looks!�
She steals a glance at me and raises her eyebrows.
“Is that all you’ve done?�
“Yes.� I reply a little sheepishly.
“What else are you gonna put?�
“Dunno, I was just thinking about it when you broke my flow.� I said, trying to get my laptop back from her.
“How about the fact that you’ve never had a proper job?� said Dawn
Good idea, I thought. I do have quite a chequered career history having done everything from DJ to reptile breeder, fitness professional to flower delivery guy. I could put that in, I suppose.
“Then there’s your highly unconventional lifestyle.�
“What do you mean?� I said indignantly! “You make me sound like a freak!�
“Well, I think that living on a boat, driving a Smart Car and an old MG Midget, being covered in tattoos and keeping snakes as pets qualifies you as at least a minor weirdo,� she retorts.
It’s a fair cop, I thought. I just don’t like convention much, as convention generally sucks! If everyone likes it, then it probably ain’t my thing.
“I suppose I should put something about my musical credentials?� I offer.
“Nah, I’d leave that out if I were you!� said Dawn, fingering the Dr Hook CD next to my seat.
I’ll get my coat.
